Chicken Fried Dreams.

Hello everyone. My name is Violet Séverine and I am a chicken-fried steak junkie. The first step to recovery is admitting that I have a problem. Awww who am I kidding. I've never been much of a quiter and I'm not hurting anyone so screw it. Chicken-fried steak til death!!! So yeah, like I said. I love the stuff. Fried meat smothered in gravy is always a good thing. Fried anything in gravy is delicious. I'd eat a used bandaid if you fried it and covered it in gravy. Perhaps that's the whiskey talking. Anyways, yeah. Did you know that chicken-fried steak has no chicken in it? Also I am sad to tell you that it is not prepared by a chicken either. But don't worry. It is still amazing.

When I was a kid my family would take the occasional Sunday trip to the "family friendly" (aka no diversity allowed) super-Southern meat-fest restaurant the Cracker Barrel (restaurant names don't get more ironic than that folks). They had a strange olde timey store up front where you could buy all kinds of Cracker swag. I would always get some mouth destroying rock candy on a stick and perhaps a coloring book. "Mommy, why are these ghosts riding horses and carrying torches?" Yeah, then we would get seated by our unnaturally smiling waitress and I would always order a chicken-fried steak with fried eggs and hashbrowns. And then maybe an order of biscuits and gravy. Oh and a side of sausage and another side of bacon. And maybe some corned beef hash. I was an insatiable little thing. I could eat 10 lbs. of meat and be happy as a carnivorous clam.

So the other day I was thinking about what makes chicken fried steak so delicious. Is it the steak? The breading? The gravy? Maybe it's the mystery of the chicken? Or perhaps it's the accouterments. If you guessed all of the above you would be correct. I decided I wanted to elevate the classic dish into something more refined (not that it needs any improvements to make it any more glorious but sometimes we must experiment in the name of delicious science). Here's my super fancy version:

"Chicken-Fried" Dried Porcini and Shallot Crusted Sirloin with Veal Demi-Glace and Organic Chicken Egg

(serves 4)
1 package of dried porcini mushrooms
1/2 cup dried shallots (found at most Asian markets)
1 Tbsp garlic powder
8 organic local farm chicken eggs
4 - 1/2 lb. top sirloin steaks, pounded 1/2 thin with meat tenderizer mallet
1 cup AP flour

2 cups veal demi-glace (I use a classic Escoffier recipe or Larousse Gastronomique or if you don't have the time or patience to make your own you can buy a decent pre-prepared one from D'Artagnan)

kosher salt and fresh cracked black pepper
celery leaves (for garnish)
Crystal hot sauce
peanut oil for pan frying

Place the porcini mushrooms and dried shallots in a food processor or spice grinder. Pulse until finely ground. In a large bowl mix the ground mixture with the garlic powder and the flour and season well with salt and pepper.

Crack open 4 eggs into a separate bowl and whisk until smooth.

Place a large skillet (preferably a cast iron skillet) over medium high heat. Add enough oil to cover 1" up the sides of the pan.

Season the steaks with salt and pepper. Using standard breading technique dip the steak into the flour mixture and lightly coat. The dip into the egg to coat. Then back into the flour mixture. Shake off any excess and place into the pan to fry. Pan fry each steak about 3 minutes per side or until golden brown. Remove steaks to a paper towel lined plate and let them rest.

While the steaks are cooking heat up the veal demi glace. It should be glossy and luscious and coat the back of a spoon.

Fry the eggs in a little butter. Season with salt and pepper.

Spoon a fair amount of demi-glace on a plate. Place the chicken-fried steak onto the sauce. Top with a fried egg and garnish with celery leaves and hot sauce. Enjoy your fancy version of hillbilly grub and perhaps afterwards go to the opera without any shirt or shoes on and crack open a few beers. Enjoy yourself dammit! xoxo

Meatless in Seattle.

I eat meat. In fact I eat a lot of meat. I adore juicy chewy meaty goodness. I wasn't always a hot dog and cheeseburger loving fiend though. I had a good 12 year run of being totally meat free. Vegetarian to the core. When I was young and broke I would even sit through an entire service at the Krishna temple to eat free veggie food when that was pretty much the only place you could go and say the word vegetarian without someone looking at you like you just said you had syphilis or something. I even owned a "meat is murder" t-shirt (although it was pre-owned and happened to have pepperoni pizza stains on it). I also had two years of being vegan in which my skin turned a murky, sickly yellow. After lots of soul searching and salivation over Burger King menus it turned out it just wasn't for me. Everyone draws a line when it comes to what they will and wont eat. I just decided that my line of ethicality would be raised a little higher. Do I love animals? Sure I do. Do I love eating animals. Why yes, in fact I do. Everything on this planet that can sustain us is alive. Plants feel. It's a fact. We are animals. Some animals eat other animals. I have chosen to not eat people. That's where I draw the line. Unless of course they piss me off. Shhhh... Don't tell anyone. It'll be our little secret.

So recently my little besty friend Lucy has come to stay with us here in our cave. She happens to be a vegan who also can't cook (my lil' wife K burns water as well) so I have adapted my cookery to keep her from starving to death. Some nights we eat animal free and some nights I make her special fancy vegan meals while K and I eat a roast beast or whatnot. In the words of Lucy "who needs restaurants when you have Chef Violet to cook for you." Awww shucks.

In part one of Vegan Dinner for Lucy I made:
Zucchini "Pasta" with a Spicy Vegan Field Roast Sausage Sugo.

Here's what you need:
2 medium zucchini, sliced into thin strips
1 package of spicy vegan field roast sausage (or something similar), crumbled or thinly sliced
vegan "butter" (we use Earth Balance fake butter which has a pretty yummy taste/texture)
1 small onion, thinly sliced
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 tsp harissa (or sub a little tomato paste and cayenne pepper)
kosher salt and fresh cracked black pepper
1/2 cup vegetable stock (or water)

vegan cheese, shredded (I like the Daiya brand jack cheese for this)
fresh dill


Using a mandoline (if you don't have one, drop what ever you are doing and go get one now) I sliced the zucchini super thin longways and with the right blade attachment it shreds them as well essentially making long, thin strips (aka fake vegetable pasta). A little blanch in boiling, salty water for 4 minutes and then shocked in cold water to stop the cooking.

In a large saute pan over medium heat cook the onions and garlic in a little vegan butter until soft (about 4 minutes). Add the sausage and harissa and cook another 3 minutes. Add the veggie stock or water to thin it out. Add the zucchini and gently stir. Season with salt and pepper. Cook until the sauce thickens a bit and the zucchini is cooked through but not mushy (about 2-3 more minutes).

Plate the zucchini pasta with tongs and garnish with dill and shredded "cheese". Enjoy your delicious and satisfying meatless feast you have just amazingly prepared without the use of hippy chants. I promise this dish will not trick you into wearing harem pants or accidentally attending Burning Man. You will not get the urge to buy a digeredoo. Nope. I promise. xoxo

Pork and Beans is Made from People!

After the apocalypse I assume I'll be eating a lot of beans. That and perhaps some human flesh but I don't want to get into that right now (just read the book The Road and you'll now what's what). When I was little I would just sit there and pop open a can of Beanie Weenies (grey looking hot dogs chopped up in saucy baked beans) and eat them cold out of the can. I liked to pretend I was vagabond traveler riding the rails and getting into all kinds of trouble. I'd build fires and hunt for dinner. I almost caught a squirrel once with my bare hands. Actually I'm glad I didn't because I hear that they have to stab you in the stomach with a hypodermic needle like 50 times if you get rabies. I hear squirrel tastes like chicken which sounds delicious but frankly I don't like needles.

Thankfully the end of the world hasn't happened yet (so the whole cannibalism thing will have to wait) and I can still cook up a nice meal on my rickety baby stove (seriously, why is my oven so small?). My take on pork and beans is perhaps a little more refined than the canned version but still fills me up with nostalgia and makes me think of my childhood dreams of train hopping and being a sidewalk card shark or con artist grifter.  

Seared Pork Chop with Black-eyed Peas and Spicy Andouille Sausage

(the pork)

1 tsp Creole seasoning
1 tsp ground sage

1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
1/2 tsp garlic powder
kosher salt and fresh cracked black pepper tt

4 (1/2 inch thick) boneless pork chops

canola oil

(the beans)

2 cans of black-eyed peas, drained (technically it's a pea but just eat it and quit being a know-it-all)

1/2 lb andouille sausage, diced

1 medium yellow onion, diced

2 stalks celery, diced (celery leaves used for garnish)

2 scallions, diced

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 cup chicken stock

1 tsp cumin

1 tsp marjoram

1/2 tsp cayenne pepper

1/2 tsp pimentón/smoked paprika

kosher salt and fresh cracked black pepper

Brine the pork chops overnight. 

Start the black-eyed peas:

Place a medium sized pot over medium heat. In a little canola oil saute the onions, celery, garlic, sausage, and scallions until the vegetables are translucent (about 4 minutes). Add the spices, black-eyed peas, and chicken stock and simmer until the sauce thickens (about 15 minutes).  

As the black-eyed peas starts to thicken start the pork chops. Before cooking the chops pat them dry. Mix all the spices together. Place a frying pan over medium high heat. Season the pork chops liberally. Put a little oil in the pan and sear the pork chops (about 3-4 minutes per side). Make sure the pork is just cooked through and remove from the heat to a cutting board. Let the pork rest 5 minutes before slicing.

Plate the black-eyed peas and top with the sliced pork chops. Garnish with celery leaves. Enjoy your pre-apocalyptic, human fleshless meal. xoxo

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Super Kawaii Food Fun Time Oishii Show!

Onigiri Rabbits and a Heart Filled with Smoked Salmon and Topped with Furikake

Why so serious? Ya know, I subscribe to a lot of fancy food magazines and blogs and whatnot and the one thing that has always troubled me is the omnipresent snobby, richy rich snobbery (whether the writers are well off or not). Look I don't care if you sleep in a water bed filled with gold teeth and use thousand dollar bills to light your cigars. Good for you. I'm just tired of the snotty attitude that mainstream food writers have adopted. I could give a shit that you hand picked horned unicorn lobsters™ off the coast of Malta on one of your weekend getaways. That's great and all but it doesn't make you any better and happier than us poor saps who have to stoop to buying a fresh lobster down at the pier or at your local endangered species black market. All levels of food are worthwhile and every time some asshole turns their nose up at a hot dog octopus a baby kitten dies of erotic asphyxiation. No lie.

Octopus Hot Dogs Floating in a Sea of Ramen

I love bento. Japanese boxes filled with cute and tasty things. Fried squid eyes and heart shaped gelatinous shark taints are my personal favorite. Okay, I lied about that but I really do love bentos. Housewives in Japan take it very seriously when they pack their children's lunch bento. Onigiri, rice shaped into popular characters like Hello Kitty or Rilakkuma. Meat shaped into sea creatures and vegetables turned into jaunty hats. "My child must have the most kawaii bento or I will have shamed the family." Serious stuff.

Have fun with your food. It should be tasty and super kawaii! There's a time and a place for serious food (like at funerals, attempted poisonings, and at the opera) but there is also a desperate need for people in the food world (and the non-food world) to lighten up a little. Pull that skewered lobster tail out of your ass and have a little fun once in a while (unless of course you have that lobster skewer up there for fun in the first place). Let the Japanese learn you a thing or two. Cute food tastes better. It's a known fact. Yeah, you can eat a hot dog but wouldn't it be better if your hot dog was a dapper cephalopod? Of course it would be! Why have plain old curry rice when instead you could have rice shaped into a bear drowning in a tasty brown curry lake while holding onto a custardy egg "lifeboat" with chicken nugget "squirrels" dancing on top. Exactly. Life is short. Play with your food. xoxo

This video isn't mine but look how adorable this Rilakkuma bento is. Kawaii!!!!!!!!!!!

Picky Pick.

I love little picky pick meals. Small bites of complimentary flavors. Salty, sweet, sour, bitter, hot, cold, crispy, silky all in one meal. It's a very "un-American" way to eat. No I don't mean that eating small plates makes you a red commie bastard, although they are great for sharing. I'm just saying that the folks around here (especially in the rebel flag, gun rack, can-o-soup casserole baking, sweat pants wearin', feed bag regions) tend to want big ol' portions of one big, cheesy, gravy covered hunk-o-meat casserole and no, sharing ain't gonna happen with nobody dammit. You can have my deep fried, bacon wrapped, meatloaf crusted corn dog when you pry it away from my cold dead, bloated hands.

Okay, so I've had a thing or two to say about a lot of small plates restaurants in the past. I hate small plate places where there is barely enough to share and you pay out the ass without even getting close to being full (or even sort of satisfied). Thankfully the fad has died down a bit so things are starting to get back to normal. There are plenty of small plate (sushi, izakaya, dim sum, tapas) joints that make me happy. The people of Japan, Spain, and China do it the best in my opinion. Lots of small dishes for sharing and meals tend to last a while. Less of a shove sustenance down your throat while watching reruns of Mama's Family sort of behavior and more of a spend time with people you like and enjoy the taste and art of food sort of thing.

Speaking of small plates the other day I made a plate of Japanese and Chinese offerings (I forced them to hold hands and play nice). I don't own enough small plates for everybody so I combined a few dishes onto single medium sized plates. I hope you will forgive me. Warm sushi rice with seared sesame Pacific sockeye salmon (say that ten times fast) and wasabi furikake, spicy black bean garlic prawns, avocado with togarashi, and steamed pork and shrimp gyoza with ponzu and sweet soy dipping sauce. It was tasty. Everyone was happy. The end. xoxo

Seared Sesame Pacific Sockeye Salmon with Wasabi Furikake

4 4oz Pacific sockeye salmon fillets, skin on
3/4 cup soy sauce
1 tsp honey
1/2 tsp sesame oil
1 tsp rice wine vinegar
2 cloves minced garlic
1 scallion, sliced on bias (set sliced green parts aside)
wasabi furikake
vegetable oil

In a large bowl mix soy sauce, sesame oil, rice wine vinegar, honey, scallion whites, and garlic. Whisk together until combined.

Place the salmon fillets in the marinade and refrigerate for 30 minutes.

Set a large skillet over medium high heat. Add enough veg oil to lightly coat the pan. Dry off the salmon fillets with a paper towel (reserving the marinade) and pan fry skin-side down for 3 minutes. Carefully flip the fillets and cook another minute. Remove to a plate and let rest.

Add the saved marinade to the pan and reduce until it reaches a glaze consistency (about 2-3 minutes). Brush the top of the salmon fillets with the marinade. Top with furikake of your choice (or crushed nori and toasted sesame seeds). Slice the fillets and serve over rice or salad. xoxo

You're the best around! No one's ever gonna keep you down!

Hello there loyal readers and fellow food eaters. Well here we are. 2012 is becoming but a bitter, distant memory (or The Year of Suck as I prefer to call it) and we're still alive to talk about it. I'll be honest, last year ran me over and kicked me repeatedly while I was down laying down in a fetal position (not the face!!!). Bruised and broken I still crawl up to a near standing position with an even greater appetite for deliciousness and destruction. So without further adieu: I present:

The Hunger's List of Happy Things I Put In My Mouth 2012

It was a down and dirty kind of year. Not too much fancy eating but usually I prefer the quick and honest stuff anyways. Sandwiches and all things made of pork. Sometimes, I'm just not in the mood for an "upscale $50 fried chicken dinner" if ya know what I mean. I'll take pretentious foam and tower food over badly done "upscale comfort" any day. At least I'd be amused. I want to punch expensive burgers in the face. Bleargh. Anyways, on with the show...

New Mexican Burger  - Lil Woodys (get some cheesy fries too!)

Pork Paté Bahn Mi - Seattle Deli

Croque Madame - Cafe Presse (get some frites as well)

Samish Bay Oysters on the Half Shell with Cocktail Sauce - Oceanaire

Spicy Pork Tacos - Marination Station (actually everything there is magical)
Truffled Razor Clam Chowder - Steelhead Diner

Bo La Lot and Crispy Imperial Rolls - Monsoon
Roast Duck Congee -  Ocean City Noodle House (or the cod congee)

Loco Moco & Spam Musubi Plate Lunch- Kauai Family Restaurant

Pork Cracklings - La Bete
Drunken Chicken Sandwich - Baguette Box
Tonkotsu - Samurai Noodle
Fish and Chips with Harissa - Pike Street Fish Fry
El Besito Caliente - Plum Cafe (not just best vegan sandwiches. One of the best sandwiches period)
Seattle Polish Dog with Onions and Cream Cheese - Comet Dogs (especially after a few drinks!)
Wet Super Prawn Burrito - Tacos Guayamas
Dungeoness Crab Roll - Pike Place Chowder (brave the tourists. It's worth it)
Pho Bò Viên - Bamboo
Katsu Curry - Hana (Nothing beats Japanese curry on a cold, shitty day)
Okonomiyaki - Boom Noodle
Bacon Wrapped Jalapeno Poppers - The Rabbit Hole (while playing skeeball)
Pastrami Sandwich on Rye - Tat's Delicatessen
Veal Saltimbocca - Machiavelli's (especially with a whole bottle of chianti f-f-f-f)
Blackened Catfish with Grits and Collards - Kingfish Cafe (salty deliciousness)
 
Well, there it is. I'm sure I left out some stuff because my memory ain't what it used to be. Anyways, here's hoping that 2013 is even more delicious (and less treacherous)! xoxo

Swede Dreams.

Avocado and egg smørrebrød with hunters sausage and strawberries. Välsmakande! That's Swedish for tasty!

I have a secret love affair with Sweden. Okay, I guess it's not a secret anymore. Sweet, supple Sweden with it's quiet demeanor and tender, juicy meatballs. Just thinking about it makes me want to rub butter all over myself and... Oh you're still here. Hmm Where was I? Oh yes, Sweden is great. I have dreams of living in a small gothic castle off the coast of Gothenburg where I raise sheep and bats and make my own cheese. From the sheep, not the bats.

Ikea. I suppose we have to talk about it. I hate their furniture. Uncomfortable square sofas made of blonde press wood. No thanks. I will however take a trip to Ikea just to have Swedish meatballs while sitting in their depressing cafeteria. While sitting there enjoying my 'probably not the best introduction to Swedish food' meatballs I am blinded by the flickering 70,000 watt florescent light bulbs and surrounded by sad, bland people with their scores of screaming children. Anyways, once in a while I go there to buy candles or a cheap wooden spoon. Plus they carry a delicious brand of lingonberry preserves that go very well with the 100lb bag of frozen meatballs I've purchased.

My favorite rye crispbreads and my armpit. Enjoy.

Oh yeah. There's also ABBA or as I like to call them "The Devil". I just don't trust music that is so damn happy and on roller skates. Just hearing them makes me go into a fit of rage wanting to punch every blonde with a bowl cut in sight. When I live in my creepy castle I will have a moat filled with sharks and lions and spiders and broken glass. There with be a "No ABBA beyond this point" sign posted at the base of my driveway. Break this rule and it's into the shark lion spider glass pool with you. No exceptions.

Anyways, one of my favorite things to eat is Smørrebrød which is Swedish for open faced sandwiches. Just get yourself some dark rye breads or rye crisps (which are my favorite for the crunch). Slice an avocado. Drizzle a little garlic aioli (or this). Hard boil an egg and put that on there. Season with salt and pepper. Add a little hunters sausage if you like. Or perhaps some pickled herring. Maybe some lutfisk. Just kidding. I have nightmares about being forced to eat this rotten, see-through, gelatinous fish. I would rather drag splintered toothpicks and asbestos across my eyeballs than eat lutfisk. But yeah, you can pretty much put whatever you want on smørrebrød. Add some fruit on the side and you have a lovely little Swedish meal. Afterwards eat a whole bag of Swedish Fish candy. Yummmmy!

My mean, vicious cat guards the Swedish Fish. Gimme some candy you selfish, awful creature!