Wednesday, August 29, 2012

One More Warning and You're Fired!

Once in a while the standards here at The Hunger drop below par. That's when the bigwig suits from corporate decide to make a surprise visit with clipboards and frowns in hand (they frown with their hands, it's very awkward). We all scramble to turn our "Eat Shit and Die" t-shirts inside out and switch The Cramps over to Peter, Paul, and Mary over on the ole' 8-track pod (or whatever the kids are calling it these days). It's all smiles for the next 30 minutes. No matter how hard it hurts we unnaturally grin showing as much teeth as inhumanly possible and cheerfully yell in unison "Hello, welcome to The Hunger friend!" Yet no matter how hard we try there is always someone screwing everything up. "Dammit Violet! Why did you wear a ponytail today? You know they have a strict anti-ponytail policy! We hate you. Jerk."

Okay, truth be told. I'm the only employee here at The Hunger Corp. But I do like to keep myself in line. I just can't have myself slacking about and giving us (me) a bad reputation. I mean, what if someone goes onto the Yelp and writes about my poor customer service. I know what it would say too. "Although The Hunger has tasty looking food every once in a while I was severely turned off by the viciously frowning lady wearing a foul t-shirt and side ponytail." -0 stars. We just can't have that kind of thing. So here's one thing I can guarantee. From now on in more smiles, less ponytails, and less name calling specifically directed at you. 

Speaking of quality control, here are the rejects that never made it from my mouth to your eyes (eeeww). Delicious as they were they either fell through the cracks or photographed like a plate of oozing sores. Enjoy. xoxo

 Ham Steak and Eggs with Red-Eye Gravy: Tasty as hell but it kinda looks like barf on a plate. I sure like fresh cracked pepper. Yummm!!!

Double Smoked Pork Loin with Roasted Red Beets: This one just fell through the cracks of time somewhere. Tasty and not too terrifying to look at. I bought the amazing pork loin from the boys up at A&J Meats (one of my favorite meaty shops). Brown and red. Very brown and red.

Crispy Shrimp Po-Boy: Cornmeal fried shrimps are delicious. I had already done a post a while back on shrimp po-boys so I kicked this one to the curb (even though this one actually looks tastier).

Squid Ink Pasta in Brown Garlic Butter with Spicy Italian Sausage: Super delicious. I don't know why I didn't cut up the sausage. It looks all pornographic just glistening around the corner. 

Cajun Chicken Alfredo: Spicy and creamy and tasty but the photo looks a little bit Prison Chow Digest to me. Not that that's a bad thing. 

Grilled Pork Chop with Stewed Pinto Beans and Collard Greens: I have too many posts about pork chops. Yes, I love me a good pork chop but I don't want to be known around these parts as the Pork Chop Princess. I mean, you can call me that if you want. No really, call me that. Call me and say it all growly like. PS - I love celery. 

Sopressata & Fontina Stuffed Chicken Breast with Israeli Couscous and Sauteed Kale: An oldie but a goodie. Not much to look at but juicy and tender on the inside. I like to stuff things into chicken. Is that weird? I don't think so.

Salmon Stuffed Portobella Mushroom with Spinach Salad: Last but not least is this savory beauty. It won't grace the cover of Saveur anytime soon unless they ever do an issue of brown foods of 1972. I think it could happen. Never judge a book by it's cover. The cover may have a super oiled up, unattractive looking vampire drooling blood all un-sexy like but then you get into the meat of the book and realize that you just read the best Ukrainian vampire porn novel you have ever read. That's what this brown lumpy dish is like.

So that's it friends and foes. Thank you for you patronage here at The Hunger. Just remember, if we can't make you drool all over yourself than we're doing something wrong. xoxo 

3 comments:

Sarah Kate Buckles said...

Please please please Violet can we have the double smoked pork loin recipe? Pretty please with pralines on top?

Violet Séverine said...

Of course Sarah Kate. The thing is though, the pork loin was double smoked by the butcher. I basically just roasted it and made a pan jus from the drippings. xo

Sarah Kate Buckles said...

Those smoky butchers! Foiled again.