Sovereign State: Australia

Australia

Beef and Cheese Meat Pies

Sausage Rolls

Aussie Lamb Burger with the Lot

Chiko Rolls

Vegemite Scrolls

G'day mate.  Forget everything you think you know Australians.  They aren't all magical Hobbits, koala bear poachers, or even the great, great, great, great grand children of criminals.  Most of them wear shoes and don't even own anything made of crocodile.  I have a few Aussie mates and I can tell you that they are a kind and friendly sort.  Anywhere you go there is probably an Aussie right next to you.  These people freaking love to go on walkabouts.  Every hotel, motel, and hostel in every city in the world will consist of 2% Americans, 2% Japanese, 1% Italians, and 95% Australians travelers.  Man, they love to travel.  

So lets see, where have us Americans gotten all of our Australian info from.  Well, there's Crocodile Dundee of course.  "That's not a knife, this is a knife" and all that.  Sure, Paul Hogan was charming and could speak to animals just like the Beastmaster.  We fell in love with him and everyone started drinking Fosters (Australian for beer) all of a sudden.  There was the Men At Work song "The Land Down Under".  Some guy from Brussels makes some other guy a Vegemite sandwich because he comes from the land down under.  It's where beer does flow and men chunder.  Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?  Let me ask this.  "Do I really want to know what it means when men chunder?"  I don't think I do.  Oh yeah, and let's not forget Yahoo Serious, the nutty Aussie comedian whose charming wackiness was a silly, picturesque window into the caaa... rrrrazy Outback. Australia is a lovely place full of talking marsupials and traveling drag queens.  How could you not be intrigued?  Giant, terrifying, possum-eating spiders aside, I sure the hell am. But really, keep those spiders the hell away from me.

Let's talk about Vegemite.  It's a spread made from yeasty goodness and Australians freaking love the stuff.  They put it on everything.  Now, I tried to be open minded but it is definitely an acquired taste which I have yet to acquire.  I'll keep trying. Here's my friend Liz's favorite recipe for Vegemite & Cheese Scrolls. 

..and then came the Chiko Roll...

What's that pretty lady on motorcycle eating?  Why, she's eating a Chiko Roll.  What's that you ask?  Well, let me tell you.  It's an Australian egg roll with minced meat (mutton or beef) and barley and ketchup and cabbage and ramen packet seasoning and curry and soy sauce all fried up in a big crispy wonton wrapper.  It's like the weirdo child of an egg roll and a burrito.  The Chiko Roll, as frightening and strange as it sounds, is actually very delicious snack, especially when you are drunk.  That is the likeliest time you would eat something like this so I say mission accomplished. They especially seem to be a hit with the motorcycle driving ladies.

...and then there was Meat Pies...

Aussie meat pies and sausage rolls are two of the most amazing snacks ever.  The pies are super flaky and buttery on the outside and all gooey and meaty cheesy on the inside.  Like the best pot pie you ever ate.  Think of a Hot Pocket filled with cheeseburger and crack cocaine and only then can you imagine what a Aussie Meat Pie tastes like.  The beef and cheese variety is my favorite and although it is customary to top it off with mashed potatoes and lather it with tomato sauce (Australian for ketchup) I prefer it virginal and untouched.  You can also get meat pies filled with things like beef and onions, mushrooms, BBQ chicken, bacon, etc..  Sausage Rolls are little puff pastry burritos wrapped around yummy sausage meat. Very delicious.  I actually like these little bad boys with some spicy curry ketchup.  Very tasty.

Recently I took a drive slightly south of Seattle to Burien, WA to visit the Australian Meat Pie Company.  For a few bucks a pie you can stock up and put them in your freezer for later.  They'll even sell them to you frozen if you like.  After arriving I sauntered up to the counter and stared with wonder and joy at the menu like a deer in headlights. The very friendly man behind the counter said "Haven't tried our pies before ay?" to which I replied "I want it all. All the meat pies." Anyways, he was very patient with me and I went with the classics. Beef and Cheese Meat Pies, sausage rolls, and a couple of Lamingtons.  I will be making weekly trips to this magical establishment often because I now have a new addiction.  I need my meat pies.

...don't forget the Lamingtons...

Lamingtons are giant square chunks of cake that are dipped in chocolate and then rolled around in coconut.  Super fluffy and sweet. My wife cries if I don't bring home the lamingtons. My teeth hurt just thinking about them.  The Aussies sure love their sweets.  Tim Tams, Minties, Pollywaffles, Caramello Koalas, Fruit Tingles, Violet Crumbles.  No I'm not talking some Willy Wonka gibberish.  I'm just talking Aussie sweets.

Everybody eats burgers. Burgers are one of my top five foods. That is a fact. I love seeing all the variations of burgers throughout the world. I could write a whole blog on the different burgers of the world and my cholesterol filled veins would beg for more. Yeah, I really like burgers. The Australians do the burger a little different than we do.  They call it the Burger with The Lot.  As in a burger with everything. Quality ground beef or lamb grilled to medium rare perfection. Topped with bacon, cheddar cheese, dill pickles, spicy peppers, pickled beets (beetroot as the Aussie say), mustard, spicy curry ketchup, and a fried egg and placed lovingly into a large hamburger bun.  Freaking amazing.  I wasn't sure I was going to like the beetroot in there but I did.  I especially loved the curry ketchup and the added fatty fuel of the fried egg.  When the gooey yolk breaks and trickles down your fingers you can't help but smile as your right arm tingles from a minor heart-attack. Worth it.

So in doing this project I learned a lot more about Australia than I ever thought I would.  I learned that they have cute goofy names for a lot of things and they love to spread yeast onto stuff and eat it.  I also learned that they tend to be kind and sweet people with a love of great food, travel, and a great sense of humor.  And because of this, I forgive them for Yahoo Serious.

For more info on this project, read this: Sovereign States